The Monkey of Self
To hear myself and to listen, is always a good starting point. I practice this with my clients, to listen, to hear their story and to hear their needs.
But for a long time. I have put myself on the back burner. After a successful stall at the Yoga Festival, I had depleted myself and my energy levels were empty, and the chest had got thick again. I had to have a fight with the monkey, to cancel my clinic day up the coast due to me not feeling 100%. The argument was over money, paying a room rent but not earning. That old merry-go-round. It did not matter that I had earned x amount of dollars on the weekend. Poverty self-came forward and tried to slap me back into poverty mode. Me and that monkey had some big words yesterday. I had to be firm and put him back in his cage, and the gimp ball back in his mouth. I had to sit with the fact I am fine, I have enough, and I am supported. Also, the old, repetitive words of my father” there are no slackers in the Clarks, we are all workers”. Those words and living up to them, have done damage within me. It has been a huge unravelling and realisation, that abundance starts with self-worth, self-love, and self-acceptance. Those I have worked through deeply but every now and then, I let the monkey of self-doubt out of his cage, and I fall back into the old argument around having enough.
Over the years, I have done abundance workshops. None worked for me because I had to come back to self, and seeing where I lacked within myself, where emotionally I saw myself as this poor, lacking woman. That work has taken a few years. My mentor, Jarah really helped me see the last of my blocks and see pass them. Have the deepest respect and gratitude to Jarah, for his guidance and support. Its not to say that the monkey does not hop out of the cage but now I can reason with myself and put him back without beating myself up.
To often we beat ourselves up over what the monkey stirs up, self-doubt. I also feel we allow other peoples opinions or views be too strong in our lives. Where we forget the most important person is you and what you really want or want to do. To hear yourself and your needs. I great to hear peoples views but it must come back to what you want in your heart and what rocks your soul. Everyone has opinion, we all know that, and right now the great divide of opinions is at play. Come back to your heart and trust you, love yourself enough to do what’s right for you. So important.
I found a way at looking at abundance and how it flows. To receive, you must be open to receive. The biggest thing around abundance, its not all about money. Abundance comes in many forms- a complement that makes you smile, someone cooking your dinner, someone gifting you something, someone paying for your coffee, someone turning up to help you without asking because they know you needed help. These are all a form of abundance. My chickens gift me their eggs, this is a beautiful gift of food, in return I spoil them every day with fresh veggies and fruit.
We all need to see our worth and value who we each are, in our own mindsight. It does not matter how someone sees you, only how you see yourself. My favourite saying right now “Not my monkeys, not my circus, step away from the vehicle”. The only goal in my mind is me, and where I am heading, and how I can be of service to the best of my abilities.
Look in the mirror and love the person looking back at you. Find small ways every day to see that you are Devine and worthy. Love you.