Well I’m halfway through my 2nd jug of vile liquid, that has me, having a love affair with the toilet. Last night I should have put tv in front of loo and watched a movie, this morning not much better. But the concession is that I get to have coffee this morning. I won’t be in a ugly mood when I get to hospital this morning.
Today is like getting ya car serviced for both ends, right to go for another 50,000km. But today is answer day or elimination of what maybe going on. So
I am sitting here, watching Silver Crested Cockatoo fly from tree to tree, calling to me, her call of illumination. I've been sitting with thoughts and feelings around passive aggressive behaviour, which is a form of narcissism. Yesterday I got confirmation about something, that I had a bad feeling about, after being the victim of passive aggressive behaviour. That I was not the only victim, and no I'm not a victim, but when people play this game, they are well versed in the
The last few weeks has been a huge healing time for me, I had to find my anger, to reach my deepest healing. My tools have been growth and a healing process. And I have come back into deep heart around this man. And deep gratitude for this healing process. And I honour him.
I would like to thank you
For the deep insight into myself
For the deep healing I had to face
To release my armour that I have found comfort in for years
For seeing this can’t go on
Here’s the point of anger and I know I’ve fucked up, and I know I still have issues about letting a man in, because of the bullshit that has happened in my life over the years. But I am human, and a bigger man would see through this bullshit. But today I go Raaaaaaa, hear me roar, hear me screem for the woman and men, who never found their voice. Hear me scream at the men and woman who played the narcissist card, who played the passive aggressive card or who were just bullies
You failed to see beneath the armour
You judged and said to hard
Your triggers- all going off
Your fears riding into you
Like a battle call
Run boy run
You couldn’t talk
You couldn’t see a bigger picture
You just had to put the walls up
And retreat into your stubbornness and safe cave
That prevents you from opening your heart
Your training doesn’t serve you
As it locks you down
Judgement, ego, narcissism
Theses are your battle call
You forgot to see with your s
Have you ever held on to your past, like a armour, to keep you trap in ways, to keep you in self-sabotage ways.
This is me, when man enters my life, I pull this armour on, so afraid to let man in, so scared to be with a man in ways, keeping my heart protected, even though my soul is screaming at me to stop this but no, self-sabotage keeps going. Pushing hard.
But then there is the other side, man seeing past this armour, seeing what’s truely within you, seeing this sabotage